Routines and Traditions

by Brian

Some Cartoon World Routines and Traditions

I love traditions! Every year, as a family we watch Christmas Vacation and Elf on Christmas Eve. We each open one present that night and the rest from Santa and extended family on Christmas morning. To me, anything that repeats, and I look forward to is a value-add to my life. 

Growing up, my parents were part of a group of neighborhood families who went camping together in Wisconsin every summer. Several of us kids were the same age and it was awesome! There were pop-up campers, ponds, fishing, canoeing and rowboats, rope swings, and campfires for roasting marshmallows. The same group also traveled north each winter to cut down our family Christmas trees. Again, we had a blast hiking, ice skating, building snowmen, and enjoying what I called “combo soup”. The concept was simple, everyone brought a couple of cans of soup that were combined and cooked slowly over a campfire throughout the day. It might sound unappealing to you, but trust me, it was delicious. 

Our kids seek out routine and predictability, so traditions have always worked well with them. The only issue is when things change, as they often do, or they mistake a normal one-off event for a tradition. Below are some examples.

For nearly a decade, every Friday night Dylan and Jolee attended back-to-back social skills sessions. The same group of kids participated over the years so this really was a great way for them to learn how to interact with friends in a judgment-free environment. 

As Dylan entered his late teens, he “outgrew” the group and we decided to turn Friday night into a father and son weekly dinner. It was also an opportunity for natural environment training (NET) for the social skills he had been learning. Our interactions each week included talking to me to pick the restaurant, interacting appropriately with the host/hostess/waitstaff, navigating restrooms appropriately and paying the bill. Sports Bars and burger joints have been the norm as Dylan has yet to find a cheeseburger he did not like. He orders the same thing every time – burger, cooked medium with American cheese, ketchup, and mustard with French fries on the side. His drink is always a diet soda (Coke if they have it) and mine is more than likely a hoppy beverage. The Friday nights with Dad have become a tradition that I look forward to after a long work week as much as Dylan does. 

One June morning we headed out with Dylan to shop for a new family car. We bought a Grand Caravan and all was well. Our vehicles were about the same age, so the following June we headed out again and replaced our second car. To a 10-year-old Dylan with a great memory, this was now a locked-in tradition, and he was very disappointed that we did not go shopping to buy a new car the following year. 

The kids ask early every year when we will be driving down to Florida so they know whether we will be spending Spring Break or early Summer with their aunt and uncle. During these multi-day trips driving down south, staying in hotels with pools, eating out and even continental breakfasts have become the expected routine. We found that Dylan was becoming disappointed when we did not stay at the same hotel every time, or at least the same floor and room number. To help the situation, we have tried to be more intentional about whether certain activities will recur and when. We let them know we have not planned where we will stop during long trips to demonstrate how new, unexpected things can be fun. We also let Dylan or Jolee pick the hotel or restaurants from apps on their phones along the route. These simple changes have lessened their stress, improved their decision making, and helped keep these traditions fun for all of us. 

For the past 7 years our family has gone to see the 4 plays at the Paramount Theater in Aurora. We look forward to Saturday afternoons between November and March that we know will be reserved for the family to attend these performances and of course get burgers at Ballydoyle Irish Pub afterwards. To test our adaptability, we have even begun trying out different post-play restaurants. We are working to instill in our kids that family traditions are important, but flexibility and change will be necessary over time. It is a fine line between expectation, routine, and tradition. Finding the balance is an important part of living our best lives.   

One final tradition. Way back in 1995 on Valentine’s Day, I proposed to Bobbie at a Benihana’s restaurant (technically at the bar before dinner) and for some reason she said yes. Unbelievably, it has now been 28 years and counting that we have repeated our February 14^th date night dinner tradition at Benihanas. I think I may love this tradition the most.