by Brian
Out of curiosity, I looked up a few definitions from Merriam-Webster on-line today. Fun fact, their site indicates they have been in the dictionary business since 1828. I wanted to review a few permeations of “nesting” in hopes of bringing added clarity to our journey ahead.
I quickly discovered that “Nest” had several definitions available, the most meaningful being: a place of rest, retreat, or lodging : HOME. Setting aside the many other references to birds, animals, and eggs that seemed like a good start, though perhaps not overly helpful. Then I thought, what about the idiom “leaving the nest”. Bada bing, the website had that covered too and replied with: to move away from home with added reference to children fleeing the nest. ‘Flee’ seemed to be an interesting choice with reference to “running away from danger” or “hurry toward a place of security”. I actually like the latter and chose to include as part of our journey.
The final look up was a bit more personal. The reply for “empty nesters” came back as a parent whose children have grown and moved away from home. That summed it up, we were parents seeking to help our grown special needs children ultimately be ready to leave home and flee toward a place of security where they have the opportunity for independence and happiness.
I have obviously heard about children leaving home and actually was one of those souls who headed out into the world just a few short decades ago. With our children now in their early twenties, I had not actually witnessed the other side of the equation. I suppose my parents had mixed emotions as their 3 children left home for college; perhaps a bit sad, likely somewhat proud, and maybe even elated with their newfound freedom.
Like many milestones that tend to come late for our children with Autism, this crowning achievement and ultimate exclamation point in a young person’s life is delayed. Off to college, off to work, off to build a home of their own… right on cue, unless it isn’t.
So, what does this mean for us? Do we want the same cliché flight to independence for our children? Of course we do! But like other parents, it is not because we don’t love our children or desire to spend time with them. We truly want them to have their own lives, to grow up to be the amazing people we know they can be, to exit our nest and build their own. For us, the bigger questions are about the work that needs to be done to accomplish this. How do we do this the right way while ensuring their safety and by extension our sanity in the process? These are really the answers we are after here and what we will seek over the next year. Here is hoping we can figure it out together.