by Brian
Our family has always had pets. When our first dog, Buster passed, Jolee asked when we were going to “replace” him. Since we didn’t want to teach her that you can replace someone who dies, we told her that we would not get a new dog right away, but she could pick another type of animal.
We were not reptile-people, so imagine our surprise when all the pet options that Jolee excitedly brought back to us were cold blooded. Jolee fears no creature, but suffice it to say that her parents are not nearly as comfortable around reptiles as our daughter. At one point, I remember we nearly decided on a pet turtle until my research concluded that its 50+ year lifespan may very well require a revision of my will to include this long-term dependent!
After significant debate, Jolee decided that she wanted a bearded dragon for her pet. Nearly everything I could find about bearded dragons (aka beardies) indicated that they make very good pets and Autistic kids are drawn to them. Growing up, other than dogs, I had a few pet hamsters and even a parakeet. These smaller pets were never warm, had little personality, and always seemed ready to bite my finger on a moment’s notice. Beardies, however, are quirky, fun, and strangely personable creatures. Once we determined they could eat vegetable slaws and mealworms rather than dealing with crickets, we seemed to have a winner. We ended up adopting (aka pet store purchasing) a beardie and Jolee named him Jake.
So with Jake now settling into the family, we turned back to our love of dogs. We decided to let Dylan choose our new dog. We loved the size and allergy-free nature of Bichon Frises, so that became our early target breed. We were very lucky to find our perfect pooch at a rescue shelter and Junior (short for Dylan, Jr.) joined our family that same day. As a key family member, Junior will get his own blog post at some point, but for now let’s get back to the beardie.
Jake was clearly Jolee’s pet and she had the responsibility to feed and take him out of his terrarium frequently. Jake was always excited to get out and run around the house (always with the dog safely kenneled) while his sister watched. Conversely, Dylan was nervous around Jake and preferred to watch him from a distance. As parents we were somewhere in between, cautiously growing closer to Jake to the point where you could sometimes find Jake hanging off Bobbie’s shirt as she sat reading or did chores around the house.
As we signed our apartment leases, we decided to pay just one pet deposit, for our apartment and not the kids. This meant that Jake became part of my daily work life as my office mate. I marveled at how he also became a conversation piece that many co-workers asked about on video conference calls. “Hey, what is that behind you? Is that a snake in that tank behind you? Are you growing mushrooms back there?”
There were several instances throughout the years where Jake had gone into hibernation and we feared he was no longer with us. Ironically, there are even website posts and a recent TV commercial dedicated to “waking” the sleeping dragon. Unfortunately, late last year Jake went into hibernation, fell sick and did not recover. Despite our best efforts, Jake passed late last year at the age of 10.
Death is not an easy topic for anyone, let alone children like ours whose emotions can run high and can struggle with understanding stressful situations. Whether you are Autistic or Neurotypical, I think death affects all of us differently. Jolee has always been emotional and she took her pet’s passing hard. On the other hand, Dylan was unsure what to think and we needed to spend time helping him talk through his feelings. It wasn’t that he didn’t care but was frustrated with himself that he didn’t feel “more”. Dylan is actually very emotional, but about relatively few people and things, where Jolee seems to feel everything for everyone much of the time.
There is a state park where our family has spent many weekend mornings hiking in nature. We decided that along those trails we could find a nice final resting place for Jake. As a family we headed out the following weekend with Jake’s ashes to hold a short remembrance ceremony. We reminisced, took some pictures, shed a few tears, said our goodbyes, and headed back toward home. It is amazing how such a small creature could have such an oversized impact on our family.
RIP Jake, we will miss you.
